Voicemails and Emotions
by Forever-Tangled
Summary: One-shot that takes place during/before "Dam Breakthrough", the S2 winter finale. Don't watch if you don't want minor spoilers. Walter struggles over the loss of Megan. Rated K. Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing except the laptop I'm writing this on.


**A/N: So I wanted to do something after the Scorpion S2 winter finale, "Dam Breakthrough". Don't read this if you don't want spoilers. I'm using lyrics from Adele's "Hello" as a base for this, because I could pair that song with pretty much every human being right now. So without further ado...  
** _Hello_ , _it's me - I'm in California dreaming about who we used to be, when we were young and free. I've forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet. There's such a difference between us and a million miles. Hello from the other side, I must've called a thousand times to tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done, but when I call you never seem to be home anymore...  
_ "Hey! You've reached Megan o'Brien's phone. Unfortunately, I can't get to the phone right now; please leave a message and I'll be glad to answer you as soon as I can!"  
Walter slammed his phone down on his desk, staring off into the distance. His parents had yet to disconnect Megan's phone, and he'd been calling just to hear her breathy voice on the voicemail. Passing a hand over his face, he murmured to himself as he reminded himself that his sister was dead. He pushed his desk chair over to his computer, where he watched the video Megan had saved for him after her demise. His heart ached, and he tried to shove it down, to process and swallow it, but he'd never been good at processing his emotions.

"Don't be afraid to love, Walter," her face froze and he wanted to slam the computer on the desk a few times, too. Displaced aggression - that's what Toby would call it; the urge to slam his devices on the desk because he can't deal with the root of the problem.  
"Stupid! Every theory of psychology possible can explain this, why can't your own body explain it, swallow it down, and get better?" Walter felt like he was muttering, muttering into a body of water where his voice was entirely lost and dispersed...muttering into the body of water that was drowning him. He started to speak louder and louder in an attempt to make himself feel, hear, _be_ something other than pain, her voice...himself. As he spoke to himself, repeating over and over again the biochemical properties that were causing his confusion and pain - and what had happened to Megan, to remember that there was no use in begging for her to be alive again - , Paige walked into Scorpion Headquarters. Ralph had yet to come home from school, but she had left some written research for her community college course at her desk. She heard Walter shouting and ran upstairs, pausing at the door with his name on her lips when she saw him at his desk, rocking back and forth lightly. Something told her not to bother him, and his voice slowly dropped to a whisper once more. Murmuring the same strange sentence over and over again.

* * *

Three days passed, and nothing was helping. He was spiraling downwards into a whirlpool of despair and desolation; he was certain that, despite all statistics, he was the only one hosting such deep pain in the world. He stared at the ferret he'd just placed back inside its cage. "Don't want to lose her." No. No, that didn't seem quite right. Yes, he'd been mildly concerned for the ferret. Everyone was staring at him with concern and surprise, and his chest heaved from the lecture he'd previously given. Toby watched him carefully, analyzing the situation - Walter knew that's what he was doing. Trying to figure out what kind of psychological break Walter was having. Walter's insides were churning, furious, and he was still trying to correct his sentence. Trying to blurt out weeks of pain and loss...when he didn't even understand it himself. But suddenly, he finds the words to describe it.  
"I _didn't_ want to lose her," Walter corrects himself, staring off into the distance. Of course he wasn't talking about Ferret Bueller anymore. He never had been. He'd only been terrified to lose Bueller because it reminded him of losing his sister. Everything did. The dam inside of him was harder to repair than the one they'd just fixed earlier that day, and it had just broken. He felt broken and healed all at the same time as he repeated himself over and over again. The knowledge of his emotion and spitting it out to the general population at Scorpion Headquarters was a legendary feat in itself, but all he could do was stand helplessly, eyes trickling. "And I-" he dragged in a deep breath, which didn't help his breathlessness and pain . "I miss her _so much_ and..." he trailed off as Paige grabbed him and held him. Then everyone was there, patting his shoulder and hugging him. Everyone but Megan, but...it seemed okay. Sylvester's eyes reflected his own pain, and he realized he wasn't as alone as he thought he'd been. Someone else missed his sister as much as he did. Somehow, knowing that someone hurt as much as he did...actually made his burden a little lighter.


End file.
